& all that jazz.

I haven't written in a while and I kinda miss the idea of feeling rather at peace when I write. What's been different? I don't know. I attempted to date again. After months or years of not seeing someone new, I finally did it again.

He was this kind but more of an old school guy who's got a sense of taste when it comes to music and film. Someone reserved and rather mysterious to me. He wasn't much of a conversationalist in person but he was someone I could connect with. Someone I enjoyed being with. But then it happened…

I started questioning myself the moment I felt as though I was letting my guard down. There's always a fine line between allowing myself to enjoy the moment and going too deep into it only to realize that it was all for nothing. I was afraid of the latter. Petrified, really.

It was shortlived, of course but it was a good feeling. I thought I was going to allow myself to cower in the shower, but it didn't happen like that. If ever, it's taught me a few things.

i. Never allow yourself to feel vulnerable
ii. Never put 100% hope into something that you're unsure of
iii. Always, always be confident and comfortable in your own skin and just be yourself
iv. Never pretend to be someone you're not

I practiced the above and I walked away feeling good. Although it would have been better if things turned out the way I wanted it to be, but that's just how it is.

Now that I had a taste of the dating scene again, I'd probably enjoy more of it in time to come. Until then, I'm going to focus on what I have right now and focus on being the best version of me.


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