There is something about doing things out of your own free will – You don’t really have the luxury of asking for opinions because you’re making that decision on your own. The only thing that separates right from wrong is your own conscience.
I had many things that I was tempted to do in my life and asking for an opinion only meant that I can’t decide what is best for me. Maybe that’s part and parcel of my life – all I wanted was assurance. I wanted to know if it was alright for me to feel or think like that but that’s not how it should be. I mean, opinions are always good, but not necessarily good. I needed to be assured.
I figured, I have gone through enough to distinguish right from wrong. Wants vs needs and etcetera. I didn’t have to worry about being assured. Sure, there will be repercussions but that’s for me and only me to bear.
There are just way too many things that “oh i havent been there, i havent done that” I’ve said in my life. All because I wasn’t feeling very sure of myself.
It’s quite apt writing this in a bar. The band just played Bon Jovi’s ‘It’s My Life.’ I was just smiling because it was as if the universe wanted to tell me something. That maybe, just maybe I was right.
Being alone in a foreign country taught me one thing: always offer a sweet if you want to start a conversation with someone. Stay guarded, and don’t be naive. You’ll never know when a company’s needed and it’s really interesting getting to know someone else’s life journey. It makes you feel grounded, and blessed to be in a position where you are.
I have been putting my thoughts into perspective these days… or lately. And it’s helped me a lot. It’s helped me cope with my fear of trying. My fear of losing, and my fear of feeling like I am not good enough. It’s a learning lesson – to be able to put them into different compartments. I am trying, and I will never stop trying.
So my birthday trip comes to an end tonight. It was a learning experience, one that I will never forget.
Happy birthday, Raidah. Be kind, and be gentle to yourself. Always.